We’ve all heard it before ” Baby’s don’t come with handbooks”…. well I don’t need a book to tell me about what cry means what, or how to baby proof my house. What I do need a book on is surviving the pressures of motherhood.
“Children are only a product of their parents”
Pre-kids this statement was SO wise to me, and I’m pretty sure I used that excuse for all of my downfalls. (not that I EVER had any downfalls)…. It was all my mothers fault!… (Weren’t those angry teenage years the best?? We weren’t responsible for anything! )
Now being a mother, I am beginning to realize just how much pressure that ‘theory’ actually carries.
I mean imagine– ever really considering that one day we’d be responsible for another persons every action?
Essentially, thats what parenting is. Right?
I have to admit, when I was pregnant- none of this concerned me. My husband is the most sweet easy going guy you will ever meet.. so I “planned” that they would get that great character from him, ….and their good looks, charm and wit from me ;) (obviously!)
Yes, this was going to be CAKE. However, I am finding this is not always the way the Motherhood Cookie crumbles. (well except the good looks part– they clearly scored in that dept. ;) )
My 4yo is convinced the world revolves around him. I am not sure who gave him this idea, I assure you it was not me. His Grandparents on the other hand do think his tantrums and demands are just “O SO CUTE”! …So when they are around his theatrics kick in to high gear, as he has a prime for the picking audience— and let me tell u something about kids & their audiences- THEY KNOW.
The idea that “its always the parent’s fault” is a tad too high of a standard in my opinion, and I am just not sure if I can live with that kind of pressure, so I think I plan on boycotting that whole thing.
The problem is that as parents (and by parents I mainly mean moms … I’ll get to that in a minute) we all have a different set of standards as to what is right and wrong. Some of us are a little more strict, some of us are a little more laid back- and by laid back I dont mean letting your kid smoke pot in the house cause at least he isn’t on the street… but then again, hey- who am I to judge? … but we do. – judge that is.. not smoke pot in the house with our kids kinda judge.. but in other petty areas.
Being a part of the Mommy Co. is one of the most judgemental teams I have ever joined. As women we are pretty much catty by nature- to some extent. (I see you shaking your head. You are lying to yourself– stop it!.. yes, you!) But when we become Mom’s and realize the pressures that are upon us, suddenly this guard goes up and we sit there looking to pull each other apart at the seams just to make us feel a little be better.
” Did you know that Cathy’s kids stay up til 9pm?! Maybe that’s why they are so cranky all the time” (no, they are cranky cause they are kids!)…
“Jo-jo tried to ‘steal’ Arianna’s bubbles– did you see that.. what a BRAT!?!?’… (Or maybe – what a a preschooler?!?!)
“GASSP! That baby is off formula at 11 months old?” … BLASPHEMOUS!…
..all of it — its insane, and .. its silly. REALLY. It is.
Who is this benefiting? certainly not the children… if the child is going to bed later, or drinking milk earlier– does this make the mother unfit? NO. If the child is over tired and throwing a tantrum or tying to take another child’s bubbles is this going to make them a hardened criminals in Ryker’s Island in the future? NO, NOT AT ALL. They are children. They are unpredictable, and its not fair to judge such petty things.
The other thing that I love, is that its always the Mom. ALWAYS.
I cannot tell you that anyone has ever had an issue with the complicated boy and uttered the words “I have to talk with Mr.Complicated”.. its always “Complicated Mama, we need to have a talk about the boy”… and that makes me feel like I am carrying pretty much ALL of the blame.
And I am ok with addressing issues- I really am. I am not one of those “NOT MY KID” kinda mom’s. I’m more like one of those “what did he do now???” kinda moms. Really, Im all about correcting things, but maybe once in a while someone should let the Mr. get a taste of this pressure.
Now, Im not trying to say I’ve had many instances like this that have come up- actually, I can’t say Ive had any SERIOUS instances at all… but with every tantrum, its like a looming cloud over my head realizing that I will need to be dealing with this for the next 18 years at minimum- And its rough!
I just want to hop in a time machine and go back to the days of being able to blame my mother for everything. When she was bearing the brunt of everything it was a lot easier.. and honestly, she handled it with such saave and ease than I ever could…
… yes, thats it, I’ve decided…. its all Mima’s fault from now on! (I mean really, who raises a kid with such fears and responsibility issues anyway?!?!) ;)
Love you Mom!
