May 17, 2012

I Dated John Mayer too, Taylor

While Hollywood Gossip Bloggers are all a buzz about Taylor Swift’s new album, “Speak Now” – and more specifically, a song titled “Dear John” rumored to be about her fling with talented singer, songwriter, guitarist &  playboy John Mayer–

This “Mommy Blogger” is here to confess to you that I, Complicated Mama have also dated John Mayer-

-Or at least self absorbed assholes like him.

And lets be real ladies- so have you.

He was intellectual, funny, maybe-not-GQ-material- but he had charisma, he had charm…

He had ASSHOLE written all over his face- … But who had time to see that?

He gave us butterflies!

We didn’t care about his past reputation cause dammit, with us it was going to be different! We were going to tame him. After all- how could he break our hearts? We were the “take home to Mom type” …he totally saw that…  right? - Right?

And then one day, we woke up from our pipe dream and found we were wrong. Dead wrong.

We were heartbroken.

We listened to every sad song on the radio thinking it was written for us. We wasted days we will never get back and shed more tears that we care to ever admit over John Mayer that guy.

Fast forward a few days (maybe weeks) later. This time we turn on the radio to hear those bad-ass-F-U songs (Cue: Alanis’ “You Oughtta Know”) and when we heard them, we thought: ‘that’s right- your loss buddy.’…  And from then on in, any time we had even the slightest temptation to look back and feel that heartbreak again– we’d blast Alanis (or whatever happy F-U song gave you that sense of empowerment- “I don’t need him!”).

Now think about how kick-ass-enjoyable that whole experience would have been if you could have actually written a song about him. Imagine that song being burned on to thousands of CDs, being not only broadcast on the radio- but discussed on television- with his colleagues (*snicker*) and that everyone who ever heard that song would know EXACTLY who that song was about.

Uh… hello, ultimate closure!

Taylor Swift is a frick’n hero.

I’ve blogged before about my love -hate feelings for John Mayer. He is crazy talented, musically he is among my favorites – but sorry, J-man you had it coming. First Jennifer Aniston then Taylor Swift? What are you on some kind of cliche’ fantasy check list?

Hot cougar, check.

School girl, check.

{{shivers}} His dating history gives me the creeps.

So while Billy Bush, Harvey Levin and the ladies on The View all analyze and debate if Taylor was right or wrong to put it all out there….

I imagine in my head a little something like this going on somewhere in Hollywood at this very moment….

And it makes me smile.

Cheers ladies!

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  • Anonymous

    Hilarious post! So so so true! I’ve dated several assholes myself – thank goodness I didn’t end up with one ;)

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      DIT-TO!

  • http://thelittlehenhouse.com/ Morgan B.

    This awesome! The pictures are amazing. Well done!

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      You are too kind Morgan :) I wear my amazingly horrible photoshop skillz
      with pride. Its kinda become my thing.
      Who needs good photoshop skills when horrible ones are so much more
      entertaining?

  • http://snickerbaraddict.blogspot.com vodka logic

    Love the pictures.. not so much John Mayer. I like maybe three of his songs.. and his being an asshat doesn’t help.

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      I have to admit- he puts on a really great live concert… but yes his being
      an asshat kinda ruins the package. You just want to says “ssh ssh shh! Don’t
      talk– just sing”

  • http://twitter.com/corrinrenee Corrin Foster

    Seriously, name twin? This is gold. Pure gold.

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      Thank you, Thank you… I’d like to blame every John Mayer I’ve ever dated
      for this pure gold blog fodder :)

  • Kmama

    Haha. John Mayer creeps me out.

    I’m currently doing a series of posts about my high school years and today posted something about an ex boyfriend (ironically named John). He had ASSHOLE all over him too.

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      I look forward to reading it! I’ve dated 2 Johns— its definitely the name.
      lol

  • Kel

    Too funny! Good music…awful man!

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      Well said my friend. Well said.

      What I can’t understand is how someone like Jennifer Aniston fell for it!
      … I mean Taylor is only 19- we’ve all been there. … But Jen? Come on,
      ladies!

  • http://www.mommyfriend.com Mommyfriend Lori

    Corine, I love him. Ugh, I know but I do. The smugness, the a**hole tendencies, the gorgeous voice and amazing talent. WHY GOD, WHY?

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      I know. I knew this post was going to break the heart of my Mommy Friend…
      but its true my dear. I’m sorry.

  • Temysmom

    Hysterical! Good thing I dated “that” guy at 19… so I could grow up and marry “this” guy at 30.

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      Amen Sista!

  • cristie

    Hilarious. And sadly true.;)

    • http://www.complicatedmama.com Complicated Mama

      Taylor does us all proud.

  • Ddudas918

    Very funny and true….great pics!!!

  • http://www.mommywords.com Brittany at Mommy Words

    I’m in your boat. Music yes – talk and action no. He makes me all creeped out whenever he opens his mouth! Awesome post babe – wish we caould all write songs about the assholes in our luves too!

  • http://www.jerseydivamom.com Ladiva

    So perefct– my well-needed AHA moment was when my BF’s dad, who I adored, sat me down at their house one day and said, “Go home. Go back to NJ. My son will regret the jerk he’s being, but YOU do not deserve it. I’m ashamed of him right now.” Didn’t shed a tear for him again from that moment on. And as soon as he saw I was moving on he had to start calling, but I was done. DONE. Ugh some guys just think they are God’s gift to humanity.

  • http://www.billmanson.yolasite.com William

    lol good one..:)

  • Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him

    Your powers of Photoshop have gone to a new level with this one. I actually thought (for a minute) the top photo was you and your husband in Arizona!

    Mayer is trouble. Girls who date him are asking for it. He’s so my type.

  • http://twitter.com/DancingHotdogs Divina and Eddy

    I have Johns in my history its the charm I totally get how all the starlets fall for him

  • http://www.marriedmysugardaddy.com Melissa Chapman

    I LOVE IT!!!!!

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  • http://5ohwifey.blogspot.com 5ohwifey

    This is an AWESOME post. haha I can more than relate

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