Lately it seems everyone is all up-in-my-ovaries. Everywhere I turn I’m being asked the question that, if we’re being truthful– none of us like but all of us ask…
“Do you think you’ll have one more?”
My mother and sister are jointly texting me their not so subtle hints of :
“We’ve discussed. We think its time for one more” [SEND]
My gynocologist inquired “So, are you here because you’re breaking the tie?” – Really, you too? I was just stopping in for my annual exam.
But perhaps the part that I loath most about this line of questioning is pressure-statements that follow. “Well the boy *is* already 6 years old– you need to make up your mind soon” … “You’re already 31. You only have what? another 4years?”
Societies window of ”have time to decide” to “You need to hurry up, the clock is ticking” comes slamming shut in a way that I can only compare to when we were planning our wedding. No one wanted to talk to you until 6 months before because it was TOO early, then suddenly its 5 1/2 months before your wedding and in what seems like a blink of an eye everyone is in panic mode because “you don’t have much time”. It’s insanity at best. Only when you are taking in terms of biological clocks… its way more stressful.
For me, my answer to “Do you want to break the tie?” changes literally- every.single.day. I have days that I look at my kids and could cry because they’re so big. I look at newborns and my heart melts. But then I ask myself, do I just miss my kids being babies or do I want actually want another child? There is a BIG difference there, and honestly I don’t know.
My husband comes from a a simple family of 4 (only one sibling) and so he is perfectly content the way things are now with our boy and our girl. But I look at the big family I was raised in and think- somehow growing old seems more bearable surrounded by a big family. The kids having another sibling, the house always being full for the holidays– but am I willing to tack on more years of diapers and sleepless nights (not to mention an extra 20 minutes of prep time onto even the quickest store runs)?
Thoughts of having the 3rd baby isn’t filled with the same visions of tiny cute clothes or “I’m a big brother” t-shirts your first 2 were. And I am constantly playing devils advocate with myself because the thought of having a 3rd child is harder than the thought of having the first.
I have one friend who has told me in the past “If you are not sure, you are not done.” While I don’t know if that is true, I ‘m wondering– how did you know when you were done?
{{ Ironically, as I sit here writing a post about having a 3rd , my 3 year old has decided to have a meltdown because she doesn’t want to go to sleep. So, um… tonight? 3 sounds like a future in a padded room to me.}}
In related news: Scary Mommy just posted these HILARIOUS Congrats on Baby greeting cards. A MUST see.
