This is your brain on Trash-tastic Television. Any Questions?

Strange happenings going on over here at The Complicated Compound.

My 20 month old has apparently become a vegetarian- eating only pizza and mac & cheese.

Mount Washmore- has melted, crumbled, evaporated. Whatever- its not there…  that for sure is NOT normal… stranger- I still have not seen the Laundry Fairy, but have caught glimpses of myself in the mirror actually using my coveted blogger swag –a lifetime supply of All Oxi-Active detergent! … at least Im pretty sure 6 bottles is a life time supply – & Yes, I’m scared too!

And perhaps strangest of all- My blog is neglected and I’m seemingly unfazed …. because … I am addicted to trash-tastic television shows.

Like SERIOUSLY addicted.

TRASH-TA-STIC : An adjective

Describing a show who’s character’s behaviors may be questionable, but nonetheless leave a viewer rooting them on as if they were FANTASTIC.

Case in point:
I look forward to our “nothing to do” weekends just to be able to watch a The Real Housewives marathon… and if that doesn’t sound too bad , cause come on’ we all love

a lil table flippin’

& Crazy Kelly Yacht Meltdown

Let me now further admit, I’ve also found myself at the edge of my seat and disappointed when I found out I was not watching a marathon but only 2 back to back episodes of… {{wait for it}} … THE HILLS.

THE HILLS! Who is this woman who has taken over my body? Who is at the edge of their seat over Brody Jenner and Kristen Cavallari’s on-again off-again romance?… and why do I know that its an on-again off-again romance?… ahhh! make it stop … Puh-leezeahh!  and the references I make (like that one- did you catch it?)- I can’t stop it!

Photo credit: Tammy Cedar Photo

Last week when this picture (left) was posted on Facebook, my first thoughts were not “Aww, how cute!”.

My first thoughts were: “FAB-U-LOUSSSS”

I’ve scoured the internet to do a side by side for you, and could not find not even one screenshot of (RHONJ)Teresa’s girls doing “Fabuloussss” – so now I KNOW I have problem… for if Google doesn’t see it, it might as well never have happened- right?

But the reality-references don’t stop in Franklin Lakes my friends, no no- they continue right down to The Jersey Shore… Do you know how many different puns you can make with “The Situation” alone?  Seriously, I can’t even help myself.

The other day a friend of mine tweeted something like:

“There’s various ways to perceive a situation, unless you are a cast member of The Jersey Shore- then there is only one way to perceive The situation”

…. and I giggled like a little girl who was sharing some sort of inside joke with a bestie :::yes!!! she gets me:::

In all fairness though, I am learning that Trash-tastic television watching doesn’t only apply to reality TV. It is also creeping into our thoughts while watching sitcoms and dramas. The other night while watching Glee- I found myself rooting for teen-pregnacny as my heart broke as Quinn gave up her baby. HELLO! She was doing the responsible thing- and I was disappointed? What kind of mother am I?

Come on, You see that happy ending right?

The images to the above would have pulled on the heart strings of any sane person, right??  Just look at that boy’s face- Clearly he is ready for fatherhood. I mean they could dress up the baby as the McKinley High Mascot while she does basket tosses with the Cherrios on the sidelines of his high school football games! Could you think of a better “Happily Ever After” than that? I think not.

Ok perhaps I should add Sixteen and Pregnant to my DVR schedule.

But if that wasn’t enough to tell you what TV is doing to my brain… Last night me and the hubby cozied up to watch a show we’ve been waiting patiently for, Season 4 of Dexter!

… and as I watched the last scene of the 1st episode I whispered to my husband while holding my breath in suspense “Oh-No! He had the body in the trunk!” …. O, No??? … O! No! The Joran Van Der Sloot of Television is about to get caught and I say “O, NO!” ? …Now I am rooting on not just Teen Pregnancy, Trashy situations “down the shore” (Get it?… Situations? … wocka-wocka) , Table flipping, or unstable relationships between kids who have no talent and too much money— but a SERIAL KILLER?

I know.

You have permission to stop reading this site immediately.

(However- if you love me unconditionally, you can still vote for me over at Parent’s Connect for “Best” Parenting blog (clearly that term is used lightly) …. so um, Mom?… James?… yea that would be you -

just 2 more days!! Vote here! )

Memo to Cablevision: My deal breaker is BRAVO

cablevision-hgtv-food_101x86Dear Cablevision:

I was disappointed today when flipping through the channels and found that we no longer recieve HGTV or (the more loved) Food network (

While I understand & respect this negotiation period, that I do trust WILL be worked out soon– right?? (nodding) I wanted to take a moment to let you know if  ever (for even a day) Bravo is ever removed from our cable plan, I am here today to tell you–  I am out… (so you may want to look into the contract details now, as Im sure you would be heart broken should I have to break up with you)…

There are many reasons, I would have to make such a stern decision-  but I must say this is by far the first on my list…

You see, while its true that I’ve always enjoyed The “Real house wives” series, there was just something about the NJ cast that instantly found a special place in my heart . Until last year, I never knew how much I enjoyed the sport of  table flipping & purchasing dining room tables in $3,ooo cash but, ..well- now that I got a taste of it- I just simply cannot picture life without it.

Reason number 2- Kathy Griffin. Cause every once in a while, when I’m feeling a lil run down, I need my trash talking celebrities fix… and nothing does the job better than a marathon of “My life on the D-List”.  Call it schadenfreude if you will, but making fun of Paris’ baby voice and Seacrest’s Closeted sexuality makes me smile.

(oo! can we get Kathy to flip some tables at dinner with Paris & Seacrest?? That would be heavenly)

Another reason, I am out if your company and Bravo ever part ways is- Jeff Lewis (Flipping Out)… because unlike Seacrest, he is not closeted, ( I heart my Gays)… and as an added bonus… The man is absolutely INSANE! Take him away from me and my television, and I may never know important things like if 4:49 and 30 seconds is officially evening, or if its 5:00 exactly. Oh and Zoila’s apparent obliviousness to Mr.Jeff’s insanity and Jenni’s incompetent husband being fired for the 10th time?… you cant replace quality TV like that!

Also-  The Million Dollar Match Maker… cause I enjoy watching Patti kick the asses of guys with lots of money desperately seeking love and a piece of @ss on the first date.

And last but not least– The Rachel Zoe Project! I am OBSESSED with this show about a woman who is dramatically stressed out and  ‘obsessed’ (as she herself  has states 5 times an episode) with SO many fun fashion find. And though I’m not sure why Taylor is on the show, I am sure that if Brad were to leave the show- the it may not be on the line up… but, as it is– He remains on the cast, and The Rachel Zoe Project remains one of the many reasons I love Bravo.

So, you see Cablevision, it really wouldn’t be anything personal… (not like if I were to say that I missed an entire season of Dexter due to your unreasonably high rates, which I totally didn’t say- but is definitely true).. Bravo, is just my deal breaker.

O yea, and if Oxygen were removed and I couldn’t watch those psycho Biotches on Snapped and freak out my husband nervously thinking- “is she taking tips from this show?” .. I may also have to reconsider our cable provider-customer relationship.

But for right now– its just HGTV and Food Network. So I will let you battle that one out for a little longer, before I decide if I can live without Rockstars like  Duff and my Buddies at Charm City Bakery (which, I have to warn you- may not be that long…. so maybe you should bend just a lil’).

Best,

You’re most complicated customer in NJ

Complicated Mama