You are looking at my new mantra for 2012. I am going to frame it. Hang it up on the fridge… and every time I read it, respond “and it’s ok” like a congregation replies “Amen”.
Even with all of its many blessings, 2011 left me feeling I was doing it all, and yet doing nothing well. Despite how much I believe there is no such thing as balance or perfection, I once again found myself trying too hard to achieve it and fell into the role of trying to be everything to everybody.
The kids, my husband, my family, my friends, my work– homework and activities, dishes and laundry {barf}, emails and conference calls, all while being sure to attend every birthday party we’re invited to and scurrying 40 minutes before the hubby walks in the door to make the house appear neat and cook dinner – because obviously, if the house is a mess, they don’t have underwear in the morning and/or dinner is not on the table that means I did NOTHING all day – right?
Last month we ordered pizza more times than I would like to admit and every time the delivery boy showed up I’d mentally announce (ok, sometimes out loud)“MOM FAIL!” The truth? I was failing but it had nothing to do with pizza or motherhood. I was failing– myself. Because the really sick part about it? If my husband walked into a house with a sink full of dishes and peanut butter and jelly on the table for dinner, he wouldn’t even blink. He doesn’t put these unrealistic expectations on me, I do.
And I do it with friends too. Over the holiday I had the chance to get together with a group of girls I’ve been friends with for years. In conversation, I confessed how badly I felt about friends I knew I’d disappointed by letting them fall to the way-side now and again and almost unanimously they replied “But that is life. Things change. True friends get that.” And you know what? They’re right. It’s Dr. Suess 101 “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” This was just more unnecessary guilt I had laid on myself.
I know I am not the only one who does this to themselves. Women are notorious for this “Super woman” syndrome. We almost thrive on hearing comments of “But how does she do it?” … because if we hear those words- it’s almost like some sort of validation saying that we look like we have that balance thing under control- even if internally we are falling apart at the seams. It’s an unfulfilling reality, ladies- don’t do it. A vicious, ugly cycle that is never going to make us happy.
It’s ok to have a things left to do. It’s ok to put your self first and politely decline so that you can take a breath of air. There’s a reason airlines’s tell parents to put their oxegyn masks on first.
In 2012, lets vow to truly embrace those flaws, put ourselves first and only surround ourselves with positive people who accept us for all of our shortcomings- no matter how obscure they may be. Because at the end of the day if we can honestly say we are acting with the best of intentions, that is all that matters.
Trust me– just the thought of letting go of the guilt will make you feel 10 lbs lighter. It may not get you into your skinny jeans, but its one of the best New Year’s diets I’ve found.
