I started my first diet when I was in the 6th grade. I had to. I was “chunky”. There was no denying it – and in 6th grade, the kids in my class were certainly not going to let me forget it.
Growing up, my mother was beautiful and slender with legs to die for (even at 50- she still has these legs. Its completely unfair), and I remember thinking- how in the world am I her daughter? look at me! … Look at her.
Worse than sizing myself up to my mother, was sizing myself up to my cousin- who was 4 years my junior. I remember hating taking pictures next to her because I felt “HUGE”– because some how- to me, it was clear that she inherited those killer legs my mother had. That I didn’t. (That bitch!)
When I reached the end of 7th grade things began to look “brighter” though. A friend of mine said to me- “When you sit down and get up- your shirt doesn’t get stuck in the back of your pants anymore” What does that even mean? I am still not sure. Then she continued, “My mom told me that’s how she can tell that you’re getting skinny”.
What? They were discussing my weight? In their home?
That should have bothered me a lot more than it did. But I was too busy hearing the bigger part of the conversation echoing in my head “YOU’RE GETTING SKINNY”. Skinny- and me… in the same sentence. It was a dream come true…. and you know what? {I sat down, I stood up. I sat down, I stood up} She was right- my shirt wasn’t sticking any more! (Not that I had ever noticed it stick in first place) From this 30 second conversation, I found a (highly inaccurate) method of body measurement that made me self conscious for years to come.
By the time I reached High School, I was completely “free of shirt sticking”! Hallelujah! But I would continue to struggle with my weight because not only did “skinny” not come naturally to me, but I was an emotional eater- and so would begin my vicious cycle.
When I was 16, I had put on weight. My mother and grandmother were trying “The Cabbage Soup Diet” and so I decided to do it with them. My mother who had been put on a diet by her mother when she was a young girl (why- I have not a clue) had established this amazing ability to convince herself that things- such as “cabbage soup” are as delicious as a 3 course meal at a steak house. “It’s mind over matter… just add a little hot sauce” she told me. BLECH. She was SO wrong. But I powered on.
My body image reached such disturbing lows that I remember there was a girl in highschool who was rumored to be bulimic, and even though I knew it was concerning and unhealthy- all my twisted teenage head could think was “But how does she do it? How do you make yourself throw up”- because I had tried. Numerous times. And all I did was give myself a sore throat.
Yes, it became THAT crazy. THAT sad. I am far from proud to even admit that I ever thought this way, but these thoughts- they are reality for so many young girls. It’s awful.
As a grown woman today, though I thankfully have better views and perspective on healthy living- I will forever be a life time dieter. In fact, I am reminded how that self concious teen haunts me every now and then, when I get up from sitting and I find myself checking to see if my shirt stuck. (what is that?)
And today as a mother of a little girl living in a world of padded bikinis for 7 yr olds– and Skecher Shape ups to tone their legs, I am frightened. As parents, we can only control these thoughts to a point. Eventually, like me- they hear things at school, they see the images of the super skinny celebs and it can skew their thinking.
But 7? Should our 7 yr olds really be striving for the T & A of Kim Kardashian?
For now, I try to offer my kids healthy foods choices and encourage sports- with REGULAR OLD sneakers, I try to use the word diet as a noun not a verb in front of them and perhaps most helpful of all- I set the bar low for my daughter by proudly prancing around the house with my “thunder thighs” ;)
How has your teen/tween years shaped who you are today? What are your thoughts on Shape Ups and Padded Bikinis?
